I remember this incident clearly. There was a module in semester 5 that required us to do a group project. Naturally, friends would say: ‘let’s do this assignment together! Better than with someone I don’t know.’ Who would say no?
And so H, J, T were in my group (H and K were best friends). Things started smoothly. Everyone played his part. However, we were soon bombarded with assignments and quizzes. K started to miss deadlines, and then began to be absent from group meetings. We tried messaging K, but K seldom replied.
After missing 2 meetings, we finally saw K at the canteen. Determined to find out what happened, we approached K.
‘You’ve been missing meetings, you’re sick or something?’
‘Nope. Busy.’
‘But you can’t give up on us! We’re busy too! And it’s supposed to be a TEAM EFFORT!’
‘Okay, then go ahead and strike my name off. I’m busy now. Got to go.’
We were speechless. My first thought was, ‘he was so irresponsible!’ Then anger set in. H and T were shocked, especially H, who was upset at how K had reacted to his kind intentions. Nonetheless, we decide to share K’s workload and carried on with the project.
H and K drifted apart after this incident. We never found out what happened to K.
Perhaps it was the fatigue and stress from the heavy workload.
Perhaps something happened to K that we didn’t know.
Perhaps K was undergoing some personal problems and needed some time on his own.
Perhaps we should have shown more empathy to K and tried to help him out.
Or perhaps, as H said, ‘projects and best friends don’t mix!’
What would you do if you were in my group?
Figure: We need to recognize and successfully respond to conflicts early before they escalate into something bigger. Conflicts, if resolved effectively, can allow the team to understand each other better, and better harness the benefits of working in a team.
6 comments:
The group has shown their unselfishness in completing the part of the project that K left undone. They could have done a step more by understanding what is happening to K, especially since H is a good friend of K. If I were one of the group members, I will ask H to have a talk with K as it is easier confiding to someone you are comfortable with. Finding the reason to K’s indifference to the project can help the group members empathize with K’s situation. For example, the other group members can accommodate with K’s timings so that everyone can be present in meetings. A mutually beneficial solution can be achieved. Although the project has been completed, the group members probably can still show the basic concern for K and attempt to salvage the friendship. It is never too late to show care and concern to a friend.
I find what you say is very true. While we may get along fabulously well with our friends, we may not click well in terms of working styles.
In terms of the group project, I think K has demonstrated his lack of commitment to the group project by his gradual withdrawal from work. Even if something serious did happen, I feel that he should have kept all of you in the loop. He didn't even have to be explicit about it if he wasn't comfortable with sharing. What more, H seemed to have no idea what was going on, despite being his best friend.
That said, I do feel that H could have shown more concern for K. Putting the project aside, I think H should have tried harder to reach out to K and see what was wrong. If K didn't reciprocate, only then, is it time to move on from the friendship.
Things may turn out better if one of the group members immediately approaches K after his 2 consecutive absence in meeting. I agree with qiyuan that H would be the best person for the job as H and K are best friends. Based on their long term friendship, H would be in a better position to understand K's feelings, wants and perpectives than any others in the group.
When K asked to be exluded from the group and walked away, it is natural for anyone to be angry and upset with his irresponsibility. It is, however, important not to exclude K from the group immediately and distribute out his part of the work until K has explain his unwillingness to work on the project. If I am in the group, I would advise H to talk to K after he has calmed down.
Lastly, some constructive solutions and agreements that would maximise joint outcomes between K and the other group members could be invented to resolve the conflict.
I guess more can be done about K. Since H and K are good friends I think H should have shown more concern for K and find out more about what's happening irregardless of whether K is part of the project group.
It is easy to understand how come the group don't approach K earlier, as it is normal to be more tolerant with one own friends. In retrospect, the group could have discussed with K earlier about the level of commitment that is required of him and the consequences if it was not met.
Finally, if he still does not work after all the effort the team made to include him in the project, K will have to bear the consequences of his action.
To Mei Ling,
Yes it is certainly hard trying to balance affiliation and the need to push your peers to work. Everyone who values their friendship would certainly find some difficulties making tough decisions when friendship may get in our way.
It takes two hands to clap. It was rather sad that H did not bother to find out the situation K was in. Perhaps we were under a lot of stress that time and he didn’t have much time to do so. Nonetheless, H could have asked for help instead of avoiding us. But I have to admit that we could do much more to savage our friendship at that time.
Jimmy
ES2007S Group 2
To Barry,
You were right that we were wrong to let our feelings overcome us and exclude K from our group immediately. There was certainly a better way to resolve this than the way we chose.
Conflicts would normally become a bigger issue if ignored and left unsolved. As a member of the team, I should have created the opportunity for the hostility to be brought out into the open and discussed calmly and rationally. It is only then that openness and trust can be fostered within the team. We failed to realize that if we help K solve his problems, we would also be helping ourselves as we would be having more manpower to complete the work, not to mention savaging our friendship.
Jimmy
ES2007S Group 2
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